Anything could happen.

I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to be an inventor. I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to be a fairy princess.

These were all the ideas I have had when I’ve thought about the future throughout my life, I’l let you guess which one dominated when I was this age:

We live a lot of our lives with uncertainty don’t we? Is this milk really gone off or can I risk it on my bowl of coco pops? What dissertation should I do? What will I be doing in 5 years time?etc.etc.

 Yikes, there is so much we do not know.

 This weekend, I headed home for my wonderful friend India’s birthday partay. It was great, and it was so lovely to hang out with 5 of my closest friends:

(It took 60 attempts, which is outrageous, to actually take a decent picture. We got carried away attempting to pull 'blue steel' poses...those photos are safely hidden)

However, the weekend was not without sadness. Nina (Cookie/Ninz) is heading to Australia tomorrow for 6 months!! Whilst I am so excited for her, I am sad that she is leaving*. 

Her trip to Sydney is exciting and full of promise, but it is also a trip where again there is uncertainty, future choices and decisions will have to be made when she gets there and as she continues her stay.

 I guess that’s something I’ve been thinking about as I’ve prepared to say goodbye.Uncertainty about the future (and the present) is scary. It leaves us in a place of insecurity, of questions without answers.

I contemplated whether or not to share this, but I've decided it is important for me to acknowledge out loud (or on the internet) and to process and challenge myself. So pardon my selfish motive.

Prepare yourself readers, it’s about to get personal.

I am happy with my life, and have so much joy in where I'm at. However, I am still uncertain about the future and sometimes this weirds me out. Particularly because...  

I have never been in a relationship.** 

And yes I do desire one. 

And yes I do like someone. (Believe me it came out of the blue for me too)

But no, I have no idea what he thinks - classic. 

So there you have it. And by the way, sometimes the uncertainty just sucks.

But (here comes the optimism), just as much as that uncertainty is scary and at times just plain annoying, I am learning that it can be a good thing. In some respects doesn't it just make 'the chase' or in general, life, that little bit more interesting? 

For the people that I've spoke to about this kind of thing (again largely girls as apparently I'm a babe magnet...), my challenge to you and to me is to enjoy the 'waiting period.' As part of my faith I believe that God knows the desires of my heart, loves me and has exciting, good plans for me. It is OK to like people. It is FINE if other people know that you like them (why are we so scared of that?!).

So I guess my challenge to myself and anyone else in similar scenarios is the following:

•  Do not let the things that happen define you. Stay your own person, live and laugh (often).
•  Know that men/women are people first, and men/women second. Get to know people without projecting a gender-related personality onto them. i.e. not all women love babies, I am personally scared of holding babies
• Chill your beans. Life is about more than whether he/she likes you. Find someone who makes you laugh and hang out with them. See where things go naturally. 

...If all else fails, maybe consider investing in this: 

As Avril Lavigne so rightly put it: ' Who knows what could happen? just do what you do, just keep on laughing' 

Oh, and go watch The Perks of Being a Wallflower, it's my new favourite.

[Running update:

• Zara and I are on a detox for the next 3 weeks. It is going to be brutal, but after the excesses of midway and too much carrot cake, it's necessary.
• Running 12 miles on Tuesday afternoon. Hoping it doesn't rain/snow!
• Gym sessions and more wretched blogilates with Cassie. Oy Vey.
• Justgiving page: www.justgiving.com/jennygwyther]

*If you don’t know Nina, I am sorry. You are missing out. She is amazing.

**Although technically I'm still engaged to my next door neighbour (huh?!) who gave me a plastic engagement ring in nursery school.... so if all else fails, I'll call him up and see if he remembers his commitment (awkward when he explains he doesn't and has a girlfriend, gutted).