Change

I avoid it as much as I possibly can. Surely most people do right? We get into small routines, like brushing our teeth twice a day, having a cup of tea at breakfast, walking the dog. And when something comes along, like you drop your toothbrush in the toilet and you can't brush your teeth that morning or someone uses up the last of the milk and you have to have black tea (nightmare), it freaks us out.

I am someone who used to actively resist change. I absolutely dreaded it. Despite uprooting twice to Venezuela and Egypt, starting new schools and joining new communities I still disliked change and not having a 'normal' routine. 

One year, when we had to change the clocks forward or backwards (I can't remember which), I left my clock at the wrong time, and lived for a year, always remembering I was reading the time an hour late- so rebellious. 

But I started to realise, that without change, and embracing new things, I was living in the past (literally). Change happens all the time. And yes, it is sad when change means that you have to let go. Move away from friendships or relationships and focus your time on new things. 

Yet at the same time, change is exciting, it opens up opportunities for growth. 

New friendships, new passions, new experiences.

Change isn't always bad*.

When I was 15, I started running because I wanted to get in shape. I, like many girls that age, was ever conscious about my body shape, the way that I looked and what other people thought when they saw me. My goodness, the amount of time that teenage girls can spend focusing on this, is ridiculous!  

However, as I've grown older and running has become more of a passion of mine, my perspective has changed. Yes, I still want to be healthy, but the way that I view myself and others has changed.

Gone are the constant thoughts about what people think of the way I look. I finally found that striving to fit the image of what is 'pleasing to the eye' is tiring, stressful and frankly a waste of time. 

The way I see and value people is completely irrespective of their appearance. It catches me off guard when people say- 'did you see what he/she was wearing?' because I never really think about it. Sometimes I notice if someone is wearing something particularly cool or beautiful, but if I'm honest even that is rare. 

My body has changed whilst I have prepared for the marathon, I have gained weight, and lost weight. I have bigger thighs and now have strange little bicep muscles. I even got a hair cut.

A recent comment from one of my good friends really caught me off-guard, 'you can definitely tell you've been training, I mean check out your butt.'** 

I have changed

Don't get me wrong, I still sometimes have little niggles about my body shape or about what to wear each morning. But it doesn't consume me. The way I look certainly doesn't define me. 

Appearance doesn't determine the relationships that I have. I cannot account for how other people view me, but I hope that it goes beyond the surface of how tall I am, whether I have make-up on or what size jeans I'm wearing. 

My perspective, my body and even my mind has changed. Running such a long distance and training for so long, has definitely made me more determined, made me appreciative of having a healthy, functioning body and incredibly grateful for all of the support from family and friends. I know myself more. Hours of running by yourself means you can't really distract yourself from yourself (if that makes any sense).

So change, however scary it may seem at first, can be good.

Reinvigorating.

Liberating. 

Needed.

Maybe we just need to loosen the death grip we can have on things that make us comfortable, and start to go with the flow a bit more. That sounds uber hippie, sorry, but you get the sentiment!

Running update:

• After a few light runs last week, I decided on doing a 6 mile run on the treadmill in the gym. I watched 'Run, fat boy, run' which was hilarious. BUT, managed to somehow pull a muscle in my left leg, so I have spent the weekend and today resting it. It should hopefully be fine soon though!
• This has meant I have hardly left the house and am starting to feel a bit like a recluse. With Alex, and my parents all away at the weekend, I have been reading for my dissertation, watching the Masters and putting my feet up. Being barely active is driving me crazy, so this week I will hopefully manage to do some cycling/walking/cross trainer-ing! 
• Just under a week to go, thank you so much for the donations so far I am so grateful!!! If you haven't donated and would like to, here is my justgiving page: www.justgiving.com/jennygwyther

*My friend Will posted this on Susie's facebook wall, had to share it, it's amazing!

**If you know me well, you'd appreciate this would normally make me go red and feel really uncomfortable, but she's one of my oldest friends so I let it slide... #stillblushed.