Anything could happen.

I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to be an inventor. I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to be a fairy princess.

These were all the ideas I have had when I’ve thought about the future throughout my life, I’l let you guess which one dominated when I was this age:

We live a lot of our lives with uncertainty don’t we? Is this milk really gone off or can I risk it on my bowl of coco pops? What dissertation should I do? What will I be doing in 5 years time?etc.etc.

 Yikes, there is so much we do not know.

 This weekend, I headed home for my wonderful friend India’s birthday partay. It was great, and it was so lovely to hang out with 5 of my closest friends:

(It took 60 attempts, which is outrageous, to actually take a decent picture. We got carried away attempting to pull 'blue steel' poses...those photos are safely hidden)

However, the weekend was not without sadness. Nina (Cookie/Ninz) is heading to Australia tomorrow for 6 months!! Whilst I am so excited for her, I am sad that she is leaving*. 

Her trip to Sydney is exciting and full of promise, but it is also a trip where again there is uncertainty, future choices and decisions will have to be made when she gets there and as she continues her stay.

 I guess that’s something I’ve been thinking about as I’ve prepared to say goodbye.Uncertainty about the future (and the present) is scary. It leaves us in a place of insecurity, of questions without answers.

I contemplated whether or not to share this, but I've decided it is important for me to acknowledge out loud (or on the internet) and to process and challenge myself. So pardon my selfish motive.

Prepare yourself readers, it’s about to get personal.

I am happy with my life, and have so much joy in where I'm at. However, I am still uncertain about the future and sometimes this weirds me out. Particularly because...  

I have never been in a relationship.** 

And yes I do desire one. 

And yes I do like someone. (Believe me it came out of the blue for me too)

But no, I have no idea what he thinks - classic. 

So there you have it. And by the way, sometimes the uncertainty just sucks.

But (here comes the optimism), just as much as that uncertainty is scary and at times just plain annoying, I am learning that it can be a good thing. In some respects doesn't it just make 'the chase' or in general, life, that little bit more interesting? 

For the people that I've spoke to about this kind of thing (again largely girls as apparently I'm a babe magnet...), my challenge to you and to me is to enjoy the 'waiting period.' As part of my faith I believe that God knows the desires of my heart, loves me and has exciting, good plans for me. It is OK to like people. It is FINE if other people know that you like them (why are we so scared of that?!).

So I guess my challenge to myself and anyone else in similar scenarios is the following:

•  Do not let the things that happen define you. Stay your own person, live and laugh (often).
•  Know that men/women are people first, and men/women second. Get to know people without projecting a gender-related personality onto them. i.e. not all women love babies, I am personally scared of holding babies
• Chill your beans. Life is about more than whether he/she likes you. Find someone who makes you laugh and hang out with them. See where things go naturally. 

...If all else fails, maybe consider investing in this: 

As Avril Lavigne so rightly put it: ' Who knows what could happen? just do what you do, just keep on laughing' 

Oh, and go watch The Perks of Being a Wallflower, it's my new favourite.

[Running update:

• Zara and I are on a detox for the next 3 weeks. It is going to be brutal, but after the excesses of midway and too much carrot cake, it's necessary.
• Running 12 miles on Tuesday afternoon. Hoping it doesn't rain/snow!
• Gym sessions and more wretched blogilates with Cassie. Oy Vey.
• Justgiving page: www.justgiving.com/jennygwyther]

*If you don’t know Nina, I am sorry. You are missing out. She is amazing.

**Although technically I'm still engaged to my next door neighbour (huh?!) who gave me a plastic engagement ring in nursery school.... so if all else fails, I'll call him up and see if he remembers his commitment (awkward when he explains he doesn't and has a girlfriend, gutted).

'I like you, very much. Just as you are.'

I think in another world I would have been cool.

I would have been a real gangster/rapper with a 'so-solid' crew following me around watching my every move. I would be able to rock awesome clothes because I would be ahead of every trend and people would watch on in awe shouting 'hollaaa' or 'that gurrl be trippin' as I roamed the streets of Oxford in my Nike high tops.

Alas, that is not quite how I turned out. The fact that I just used the word 'Alas' is probably case in point that I am not particularly "fly." I was a bookworm, I watched Lord of the Rings (a bit too much) and managed to get my school choir to sing Avril Lavigne. I enjoyed studying (and still do). Much as I try not to be, I remain much more of a granny than a hipster.

Still, this is not meant to be a 'woe is me' post- although just so you know, I am pretending you're all gasping and saying reassuring words of 'Oh, but Jenny you are so cool...' (humour me)- rather, it's about a bit of a 'phoa! yay!' realisation I have had over the weekend.

Saturday started off well- my library fine got waived even though I was late by 15 minutes (note to all undergrads, Sue the librarian is a very nice lady, or at least easily sweetalked without the need to offer her chocolate, boom). The victory dance outside the RSL was followed by a speedy walk to G and Ds for a brilliant birthday breakfast for Zoe, fun with Worcester friends and a free chocolate muffin - winner.

Then onto Pastorate FUN-day. This could be a whole post in itself.

From our walk to Port Meadow, drinks at the Perch, girls shopping in town,ghosting, pizza in the evening, articulate, and general banter, I don't think I have laughed so much. It was a day filled with JOY. (Note to anyone wanting to take up 'ghosting,'  don't do it to much older people, it takes things a bit too far.)

I know I've blogged about pastorate before, but I have got a lot of love for it. Meeting people who make you laugh for almost a whole day, encourage you, have the same taste in music as you, can be silly and can be serious with you, is a rare and wonderful thing.

How great it is not be judged (well maybe only a little bit, sorry Kellie), but laugh hysterically when you realise William Hague wasn't actually at the Battle of Hastings or trying to describe a tennis racket starting with 'bigger yellow balls....'                                                                                           -[articulate]

Sunday we had more pastorate lovin. A phenomenal lunch together and then a great church service.

So what did I realise after this brilliant weekend? 

I am content. 

Don't get me wrong, there are still desires on my heart which I continue to hold hope for. Life would be easier with perfect vision, shorter reading lists, if you knew the person you fancied, fancied you straight back or there was fat-free chocolate. BUT for now, I am thankful for the joy that I have. 

I may not be perfect by a long shot, but, as Mark Darcy so wonderfully said to Bridget Jones, 'I like you, very much. Just as you are.'(You go Mark Darcy.) I am finding myself content in being just the way I am. I am so grateful that my friends and family seem to think the same.

In another world I may have been cooler, prettier and let's face it, probably taller. But Life is good. 

Let's enjoy the rest of the party.

Running update

• Zara and I ran 10 miles last week in 1 hour 44 mins! We had the most horrific time at the beginning traipsing through mud, dealing with pins and needles and jelly legs, but managed to push on through and end with a sprint around Worcester lake! Go team! 
• Gym on friday where it was so hot one of the guys almost took his top off, half the girls swooned and I decided to follow suit and just 'cross train' in my sports bra (only joking ma).
• Next week 11 miles and blogilates.com with Cassie the uber fit, love-her-but-hate-her instructor. My hips were all over the place this week and need more core stability- woo.

P.s.  In response to the messages/texts etc that last week's post received, I was tempted to go all out on more dating/boys/relationship related stuff, but don't want to over do it. Let's see what next week brings...

For now, all you single ladies out there, one word of advice. DON'T sing this to a man. In any context. Ever. Unless it's Ryan Gosling, then what have you got to lose?

[Although, do listen to White Horses, Unwritten or These Words. They are good.]

As always, thank you for any donations: my justgiving page

If I were a boy...

I have become a master at asking people out on dates... 

I'll let you just recover from that for a second.

...Ok. Let me explain.

Last term I joined a new pastorate at St Aldates which is the church I go to in Oxford. A pastorate is basically like a smaller group of lovely people who get together once a week, spend some time reading the bible, chatting through bits that we've read and what we've been challenged by. We then tend to head out to one of the various pubs dotted around Oxford and hang out. It's brilliant. 

I love pastorate, largely because it's a great place to discuss and share things openly and honestly, whilst getting to know some amazing people. Yet like all situations where you meet people new, sometimes it's nice to get to know people better one on one, for me it was particularly the girls that I've been praying with and got on well with. So, this term I started asking my new (girl) friends if they fancied meeting up for lunch/coffee/bingo...

Yep, it felt weirdly like asking them out on a date, but then it got me thinking, why shouldn't asking people out be this easy? 

Men, this is what I learnt, listen up. 

This is how you ask women out: 

"Oh hey, (insert girl's name here).

 How's it going?...good? brill, yeh I'm great as well, thank you.

I was just wondering, do you fancy going for a coffee/drink next week? It'd be great to hang out and catch up/get to know you properly

.... fab, can I get your number and we can text nearer the time?

... awesome." 

Then make sure you text her.

Simples.

If she says: do you mean just as friends? Go with that. See how the date pans out.

If she says no*. Then c'est la vie, plenty of more fish in the sea: The size of the sea.

I feel that there is a growing need for people to chill their beans and get to know each other better.

The 'dating game' freaks us out. I know. But I think sometimes we overthink it, overanalyse it and back out before we're even started. Then opportunities get missed.

No one likes being vulnerable, but why is vulnerability seen as such a weakness?

"Because you might get hurt" - Eep

'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.  - Alfred Lord Tennyson

I'm not saying that we should all go and pour our hearts out to boy/girls that we know, but to just have a bit more confidence that sometimes it's better to just give it a go than surround ourselves with safety blankets. Making excuses for never embarking on a relationship before anything has even started. Let's stop.

Sorry this rant/moan has come a bit out of the blue, it's just recently I've been in a few conversations where friends (girls and boys) have been pretty exasperated about this issue and so felt someone needed to say it. Lucky blog readers!

And guys, sorry this has largely been aimed at you, I don't intend this to be mean in anyway, but often women feel a bit awkward about asking men out. Even if it's just for coffee. And someone's got to do it.

Though, for what it's worth, I think women should totally go for it too if they want to.

Running update:

Zara and I went for an 8.5 mile run on Saturday, which was brilliant although very icy- thank you to the man who held the gate to the bridge open for about 5 minutes whilst we practically crawled up the hill of ice towards him...

A short 3-4 mile run set for tomorrow morning and then upping the training program in the next couple of weeks provided the hips stay ok!!

*Sad times, that's a bit harsh when you haven't really specified it's a date yet

Sweat, is fat crying.

Today, whilst attempting to avoid the masses of pictures of weddings which (although beautiful) seem to dominate Pinterest, I stumbled across these:

 Crying is such a strange thing isn't it? You have some kind of emotion, and the way you deal with it is to let out some water through little holes in your eyes. 

How weird is that?! 

Having said that, I am not trying to suggest that I don't cry. Actually, I am a weeper. Yep, happy, sad, angry, tired, I am like an emotional tap.Woo.

I figured this out when I was at school went to the cinema with some friends. We watched 'P.S. I love you'. [Don't read the next part if you haven't watched it, though you've probably already seen the start of the first sentence. My bad.]

When Gerard Butler dies I was so sad for Hilary Swank that throughout the entire film I cried (It was a constant supply of tears-no idea how I managed it). Don't even get me started on 'Marley and me'.

It's weird that my favourite film since I was about 7 was 'My Best Friends Wedding'. I cried every time, wishing for the ending to change because I felt so bad for Julia Roberts. It's one of the reasons I have never liked Cameron Diaz.

I also cry with happiness. When things got hectic last term, my best friends from home came up to Oxford as a surprise and took me out to dinner. I cried. I was so overjoyed to see them. Crying with joy or laughter, is the best sort.  

I guess crying has just become a way of expressing things we can't quite articulate in the moment. Just like when you can't speak because you're laughing so hard, yet want to show how funny the joke is, crying can explain how you are almost (or are) wetting your pants.

In that way, it starts to make sense for other situations. Like when you hear stories of things that don't feel fair and are unjust, you may be overcome with emotion. When I heard about the shooting of Malala Yousafzai in Pakistan, the horrific rape of a young girl in India or the shootings of school children in the US I couldn't find the words to express how I felt or say anything appropriate for the situation. So naturally, I wept.

That's probably also one of the reasons why I chose to run the Marathon for Amnesty.  They advocate for those who perhaps do not have the words, for whatever reason, to express their views and have their voices heard. 

I know I keep plugging at this, but if you would consider joining me in raising awareness about legal protection of human rights, for the advocacy of those who may not be able to speak up about the injustices done to them, then please consider donating to Amnesty through my Justgiving page:

http://www.justgiving.com/jennygwyther/eurl.axd/2c5b55e16f59be4bbe1196bd8e1aa5e6

Lots of love and no tears for now!Xxx

P.s.I think my pup would prefer the raincoat the dog wore in the picture above to what Alex and my Ma dressed him up in yesterday:

Yup, looking fiiiine in one of my old tops.

 Poor guy, he even bumped into his lady friend 'Roxy' (another female border terrier who lives around the corner) who probably shunned him for looking so girly. Babes.

Run update:

• Did a 5 mile run Thursday which was a good small run, then the snow came. Hopefully do a longer run next week! 
• Doing a detox food thingymabob at the moment, vegetables and fruit galore, attempting to 'treat my body like a temple'.That saying taken literally is bizarre, I would never chuck fruit and veg at a temple, but I get the sentiment.

I dreamed a dream

Today I am in the best mood. Despite having an absolute mountain of work to start off this term with (yay!), I could not have woken up happier.

Why? 

Well, surprisingly, not because I was so excited to get up at 6.30am (!) to go to the gym with Zara. 

And not because I got to have some uber yummy cereal to kickstart my day (Sainsbury's cinnamon and apple granola, dreamy). 

But because I had the best dream I have ever had.

It started off with me on a go-kart, weaving my way through traffic on the M25 (scary I know). Then somehow I managed to get to this massive driveway which was jampacked with cars, but beautiful all the same, with lots of trees in blossom and long wave-in-the-wind grass (lush). I somehow managed to parallel park this go-kart, which as someone who absolutely sucks at parking, was a huge victory 

I then walked up to this mahoosive house (after locking up my go-kart, safety first), and there join the one and only, Barack Obama. I take a seat opposite him in a huge arm chair and we start to chat. We talk about how there are so many things we would like to see change in the world, and soon go into a few other specifics about how he hopes to do that, as you know, he is President of the US and all. 

Next moment, he leans forward and says 'let's pray.' I almost fell off my arm chair. He starts off and although he forgets my name (don't worry I forgave him) and calls me a 'young lady,' he prays for my future and then I get to pray for him. We're interrupted by someone asking him if he knew where blue and black butterflies could be found (that was weird) and then I wake up as my alarm starts singing to me.

Oh my. I am a huge fan of Barack Obama. Watch out Michelle, if I can access the White House by go-kart, maybe my dream is a sign of what is to come (high hopes)?!

(Aww I totally would have applied)

On another note: 

Hips are feeling better and I am doing my exercises each day-woo. I also have a calendar which my Ma found of Ryan Gosling, which I tick off when I've done my weird hip thrust exercise (flailing about on the floor)- Joy.

Are you an awkward hugger???

There are some people who I just love. Obviously my parents and brothers, family etc. that goes without saying. But I was wondering if other people get this or not. Do you ever just meet/find people who it doesn't matter what they do, you just love them wholeheartedly?

This has happened to me with quite a few people over the past couple of years and to be honest it's kind of weirded me out. I'm not sure if its just a personality thing or something about certain people which makes them so lovable, but it even happens to people I don't really know all that well or have know for only a short period of time.

For instance Con. He is one of my best male friends. What is bizarre is I met him when I was 16 and he was my youth pastor, and shortly after my baptism I knew I loved him. Platonic people, hold your horses I'm not confessing a long-term unrequited love here. But I trusted, respected and just loved him as a friend, a brother, a confidant.

Anna/Masonater who mentored me at St. Andrews and who I have been able to chill out, drink wine, and more importantly drink coffee and eat good food with. I loved her almost immediately after we first hung out. *

Beks I loved straight up, from the Christmas we met and did Dr Zoidberg impressions with Carter at Chorleywood's Christmas village night.

The way we each express love, is also really bizarre. A couple of years ago I did a leadership course with Onelife. And on a weekend away we learn't about love languages. That's right, there is a whole lingo for love- who knew?! 

There are 5 apparently: Physical touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality time and Gifts. My top two (pretty much joint) were Words of Affirmation and Quality time. Write me a card, spend some time with me and I'm happy as larry.

Physical touch is my lowest, again a strange category I think because I do like hugs, but as I've come to realise only from people I know and trust. Man am I awkward when they're not... 

For instance many of you "physical touch" people may not think about this, but when you hug, do you squeeze, pat or rub the other person's back?! Do you go for the side-hug or the full-frontal bear hug? This always crosses my mind, normally mid hug, then I just freeze.

Hugs with people I've just met, feels wrong. If you immediately hug me, know that you have completely freaked me out.

Side huggers, I generally trust you and like you, especially if you are tall...

Tall people. I am 5ft 2". So when we hug, please bend down otherwise my face gets squished into your chest/stomach and if you were expecting a long hug it can't happen because I won't be able to breathe.

People who like long hugs.  What am I meant to do with people who are standing behind you and my head is over your shoulder? Do I close my eyes? Or look at them directly?! 

And finally backward huggers: this could be a whole blog post.

In short, why? Just why? When you backwards hug me and I don't know you very well, I cannot be held responsible for elbowing you in the stomach, I'm sorry, it's just wrong. 

I found this on the internet which was hilarious (yes I did just google awkward hugs):

Despite these strange love languages, love in whichever form you express it is brilliant. I am a hopeless romantic, and a bit of a dreamer. I seem to be a person who loves strongly and so can get hurt quite deeply. Mama G has told me countless times to guard my heart more closely. To not be too open and trusting with too many people and I have tried to do that to an extent.

 Yet ultimately as much as it may hurt if someone doesn't love you back, I've come to realise that it can also be just as painful to not love people in your life wholeheartedly. I have a circle of people who I trust and love dearly, and so coming to uni to extend that has been weird and at times challenging, but ultimately by loving people and letting them in has been much more heartwarming than when I have tried rather poorly to be careful and guarded. To those of you whom I have perhaps not opened up to properly I'm sorry, I've not always been great with it this year. Who knows, maybe next time I see you I'll go for the hug (I know, brave). Anyway I have digressed too far from any running news!

Running:
So the news from the Physio on Tuesday is that I have hypermobile hips. Which sounds like I've been doing too much wiggling or booty shaking (Beyonce eat your heart out):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m1EFMoRFvY

In reality though it means I'm just uber flexible in my hips and when I run for too long, my core stability muscles get tired and can't stop my hips going all 'mobile' in their sockets. Anyway, I just have to do some exercises (basically these weird hip thrusts) and limit my long runs to about 7 miles per week (and maybe try out pilates) and then I can build up the mileage again.

So Monday was my last 10 miles for a little while, but I should be good to run the half Marathon at Silverstone on 3rd March- woo!!

Have a good weekend Amigos :) xx

*There are loads of other people I could name, but didn't want to overload the blog!

-Disclaimer- please don't think that I absolutely hate hugs, I am getting better at my 'physical touch' lovin. In short, please don't stop hugging me if you already do, that'll be weird.-

Ripper!

G'day friends!  

We have just touched down from a 3 week holiday in Australia and so a catch up is needed! I hope that everyone had a lovely Christmas and New Year, with lots of fun, food and Love Actually on repeat.

Well, what a year 2012 has been:

Finishing my first year at Oxford, punting/garden parties (with excessive amounts of Pimms), Berlin with Maddles, Chasing Zero at Momentum, a great beginning to second year at Oxford with surprise visits from wonderful friends, an incredible thanksgiving ball at St Aldates (and a lovely new pastorate to have joined!), playing women's football for Worcester, Oxmas and of course starting training for the Marathon!

Our (my family's) trip to Australia has been the cherry (and icing) on top! We have had so much fun no matter where we were or what we were doing, 3 weeks together has been awesome.

My Highlights: 

• Climbing Sydney harbour bridge

• Trekking the blue mountains 

I know, I know, such a geographer...

• Learning to surf

• Night Watching little penguins walk across the beach to their nests about a metre or 2 away from where we were sitting
• The most beautiful sunset I've ever seen
• Incredible stars 
• Swimming with wild dolphins and seals*

• Christmas on the highest floor of the tallest building in Melbourne 

• Staying in tents and sunbathing/burning in Jervis bay

• Going to Sydney taronga zoo and seeing meerkats (they're my favourite, other than pigs) 
• Watching the New Year's Eve fireworks at Sydney harbour bridge in the botanical gardens

... And breath! This new year I am thankful for such a lovely holiday, I am feeling truly blessed for my incredible, strong and loving family and to be given the opportunity to experience so much together is such a privilege. 

Our word for this holiday was 'ripper', I know - huh?!- but say it in a surfer dude accent and imagine yourself an aussie with long blonde hair, uber chilled out and called Maddy (preferably a female...).There you have our surfing instructor on Phillip island. Yup I have decided to bun uni and go live in Oz, catching waves, chilling with penguins and having a year round golden tan. No really**. 

Well apart from the bun uni part that probably won't be really workable with the whole life plan of getting a degree. I also tend to burn a bit so I would need money to buy sun cream and after sun so I would probably need a job too... Ok,ok, I may not be able to live life quite the same as Maddy***. 

But Maddy and all the other Sheila's and Bruce's (sorry it had to be done) we met in Australia and their laid-back attitude to life, definitely made me think.

With the everything that happened last year, the  good and the slightly harder, it has been a time to reflect and put things in perspective. Watch out here comes the New Years resolution, drum roll please (just so you know I am imagining you all at your computer screens doing a mini drum roll tap on  your knees. Snaps for those who did it.):

Have a more laid back, chilled out approach to life. 

Live. Be open and allow vulnerability. Continue to give my all to everything but remember to have fun. Love and let people know I love them (apologies for the sop, all you lucky people who may find that kind of thing uncomfortable, you are gonna love me when we next catch up). Do things that are daunting and scary but good, take new steps.

Even the koalas are pretty mellow, I could have sworn this one whispered 'duuuuude...'

Training in Oz started off grand with my first 10 mile run done around Sydney opera house, botanical gardens and the harbour bridge. However unfortunately for the first time in training I have a running injury. My lower back started playing up and when I landed on each foot whilst running I got a shooting  pain down the back of my thighs. So training paused for a while and I rested up. This was initially absolutely gutting, but gradually I've managed to start doing short runs and going in the gym and hopefully now that I'm back in the UK after I've seen the physiotherapist next week I can get back to my longer runs again. 

*Another highlight of that was meeting a lady whilst I was munching a carrot on the boat who I thought at first was joking (but as it turned out wasn't) that she could telepathically communicate with the seals and dolphins who are in a 5th dimension. Apparently their aim is to bring us to their 5th dimension... Don't worry, she also said that eating carrots (like I told her I always did) means you have 20/20 vision and she swears by it. I neglected to tell her I am practically blind without my contact lenses... Still, it made swimming with wild animals less scary as she kept singing to them when we were getting into the water. Kudos crazy lady. 

**I managed to stand up (kind of) once, I feel that qualifies me to say I could become the new female Kelly slater...

***Maddles I freaked out excitedly when Maddy introduced herself and nearly launched into suggesting she be my new Aussie you..., I think my family are grateful I stopped my jibber jabber before I made her confused and probably a bit scared.